Ann S. Epstein writes novels, short stories, memoir, essays, and poems. Please use the links or site menu to go to the HOME PAGE; learn about her NOVELS, SHORT STORIES, MEMOIR, ESSAYS, and POEMS; find interesting facts in BEHIND THE STORY; read REFLECTIONS on writing; check NEWS for updates on publications and related events; see REVIEWS; learn about her END-OF-LIFE DOULA credentials and services; and CONTACT US to send webmail.
“Indifference to the sublime wonder of living is the root of sin” (Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, God in Search of Man: A Philosophy of Judaism). Heschel define wonder as “radical amazement.” Amazement leads us to ask “How can this be?” which in turn spurs us to seek knowledge, an explanation. This seeking is the practice of science. Contrary to the belief that science and religion are incompatible, however, is the observation that scientific discoveries do not end our sense of wonder, but instead increase our radical amazement that such phenomena exist. The best scientific writing conveys and inspires this sense of wonder. I write fiction, which is spurred by our sense of wonder about human nature. Fiction writers turn to imagination, not science, for explanations, but the motivation is the same. And whatever the answer — a story’s end — radical amazement remains. Nothing is fully explained, which is why the tales I like best, whether I’m writing or reading, are those with open endings. More thoughts about writing at REFLECTIONS.
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, leading 20th century theologian and philosopherWhy writers write: “Writing is the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living … to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.” – Enid Bagnold
My Amazon and Goodreads review of Lady Bird Johnson: Hiding in Plain Sight by Julia Sweig (Rating 4) – Believability and Surprise. I have always been fascinated by LBJ. I was a college freshman when he became president following JFK’s assassination. LBJ’s Great Society, notably the Head Start program, was the impetus for my lifelong career in early childhood education. Like other youth opposed to the war in Vietnam, I turned against LBJ. Years passed before I was able to credit his compassionate and far-sighted social and economic agenda. Julia Sweig’s biography, Lady Bird Johnson: Hiding in Plain Sight, enriched my perspective. For example, like others, I assumed LBJ’s decision not to run for a second term in 1968 was forced by the backlash against his foreign policy, unaware that (spoiler alert) he and Lady Bird first discussed his exit back in 1964. Although he chose to run then, bowing out in 1968 had been in their plans for years. Likewise, I discovered that Lady Bird’s campaign for “beautification” (a term she despised) was inextricably linked to the Great Society’s broader recognition of the physical, emotional, intellectual, and creative toll of living in a blighted environment — her true concern. Readers of this detailed account will also learn about Lady Bird’s vital role managing her husband’s black moods and speaking on behalf of women’s empowerment, and feel the heartbreak of seeing their hard-won domestic legacy dismissed. As a writer myself (see my Amazon author page and Goodreads author page), I value the ability to combine believability with surprise in a narrative. Sweig’s behind-the-scenes look at Lady Bird provides both. Her absorbing history remains relevant in the ongoing struggle to balance domestic needs and foreign policy.
The woman behind the man, made visibleWhy writers read: “When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes.” – Erasmus
“Before things return to normal (after the pandemic), I just want to live each day more harmoniously” (classical singer Julia Bullock). After a prolonged lockdown, the return to normal produces a disorienting mix of anticipation and anxiety. If singers hope to capture and carry forward a state of vocal harmony, perhaps the verbal equivalent for writers is the resonant unity of our words. More thoughts about writing at REFLECTIONS.
Seeking harmony and unity in notes and wordsWhy writers write: “Every secret of a writer’s soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works.” – Virginia Woolf
“I wish I’d given myself the comfort of knowing how long (the pandemic) was going to be. Here’s you in a year, relax. Stop refreshing The New York Times” (musician Phoebe Bridgers). Many years ago, when my house had no heat during a six-month remodeling project that dragged on for two years, I subconsciously drove my car faster on the instinct that a revved-up engine would get me warmer too. All I got was a speeding ticket. At the beginning of the pandemic, I felt that same urge to hurry up, as if my working faster would hasten the end of the lockdown. Eventually I accepted that the end was nowhere in sight. Now, as I reenter the world, I’m content to advance at a snail’s pace. More thoughts about writing at REFLECTIONS.
Pace yourself when the road ahead is of undetermined lengthWhy writers write: “A word is never the destination, merely a signpost in its general direction, and that destination owes quite as much to the reader as to the writer.” – John Fowles
My essay “Where Do Elders Belong: Shuffling in the Old Folks Home or Marching in the Street?” is now online in the May 2021 issue of Vine Leaves Press SPILL IT! The essay protests demeaning myths about aging and issues a call to social action by older people. Use the buttons at the bottom of the essay to share and voice your opinion. Follow the links to my other articles and check out the voices of other authors. Sign up to receive SPILL IT! every month. It’s free. Read about my other recent publications in NEWS.
Have your sayWhy writers write: “Write while the heat is in you. The writer who postpones the recording of his thoughts uses an iron which has cooled.” – Henry David Thoreau
“I decided I was going to learn to draw (during the pandemic). I really sucked at it. It was hard on my self-esteem. I had to let the drawing go” (novelist Tayari Jones). Why, in times of stress, do creative people pile more on ourselves by undertaking new challenges? I admire Jones, who was able to drop the drawing. Many, myself included, find it hard to let go. What started as an adventure becomes self-inflicted punishment. Instead of either bidding adieu or simply finding pleasure in something regardless of our ability, we build a wall and persist in slamming our heads against it. Occasionally we break through, so we risk our self-esteem again. And again. More thoughts about writing at REFLECTIONS.
Not letting go: Creativity or craziness?Why writers write: “A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.” – Richard Bach
“My bad ideas (during the pandemic) were usually bad because they were not funny because I was depressed” (actor and writer Aidy Bryant). While I’m not primarily a humor writer, I occasionally write “funny” or quirky pieces. I don’t think I’ve written any during the pandemic. I can joke about COVID-19 to cheer someone up, or dash off a throw-away line in a letter or conversation, but sustained humor seems neither appropriate nor possible. Perhaps a sign that the pandemic is receding will be when laughter rebounds. More thoughts about writing at REFLECTIONS.
The return of laughter signals healingWhy writers write: “A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.” – Thomas Mann
My Amazon and Goodreads review of My Heart: A Novel by Semezdin Mehmedinovic (Rating 5) – Life’s Irregular Beat and Steady Flow. Semezdin Mehmedinovic’s autobiographical novel My Heart is literally and figuratively about the life-giving organ of its title. Divided into three sections, the book begins with Sem’s heart attack, ends with his wife Sanja’s stroke, and in the middle recounts a long road trip Sem takes with their adult son Harun, whose restless heart pumps with an energy that is dwindling in his aging parents. Threaded through the book is the intense love that beats in the author’s heart for this tight-knit family. My Heart is also about memory. In the first story, the author remembers little of his heart attack. Told the medication he must now take may cause further memory loss, Sem is obsessed with remembering the first place the family lived after emigrating from Bosnia. This prompts the trip from Maryland to Arizona with his son, a photographer who creates, rather than retrieves, memories. Harun’s time-lapse pictures reveal wonders the eye alone cannot see. Sem’s insight on this journey is that while we remember places, they retain no memory of us. Recall, or its lack, is most prominent in the novel’s third section. Sanja’s stroke has obliterated large swaths of her memory. Sem hopes that returning from the hospital to the familiarity of home will restore the missing images and events, but again place is not a repository for memory. Robbed of once-known words and ideas, Sanja, like their son, creates new, often entertaining ones. Finally, the novel is about place itself. An immigrant, Sem is forever an outsider in America. His identity cannot be rooted in a place. Fortunately, the core of his being is the family he carries in his heart. A model for a person who ages well, My Heart is gentle and reflective, but not passive. As a fiber artist and writer (see my Amazon author page and Goodreads author page), I admired Mehmedinovic’s ability to interweave multiple themes in a subtle tapestry that will touch the heart of readers who contemplate the irregular beat and steady flow of their own lives.
An autobiographical novel about the heart, memory, and placeWhy writers read: “Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us how to live and die.” – Anne Lamott
“If I were to write (during the pandemic) like I normally do, which is glorified complaining, it would be the same as every other person. I don’t know what new experience I can bring to it” (musician Phoebe Bridgers). Since my writing is timeless, rather than timely, and I don’t kvetch, I continue to write as always. For contemporary commentators, the best COVID-19 writing may have to wait until the pandemic has passed. It’s hard to see clearly when one is mired in misery. More thoughts about writing at REFLECTIONS.
Rare is the complainer who stands out from the crowdWhy writers write: “Writing a novel is taking life as it exists to make an object that might contain this life inside it, something that never was and will not be again.” – Eudora Welty
“There is a myth about the redistribution of time during the pandemic, that we have fewer interruptions. I’ve experienced the opposite” (artist Anicka Yi). Neither is true for me. I attend the same number of in-person meetings and coffee dates, only now they happen on Zoom. While it’s true that I go to the market less often and buy things online rather than in-store, I was never much of a shopper to begin with. What has changed is how I feel about uninterrupted time spent alone. As a writer, I’ve always treasured it. I still do, but after a year of solitary routines, I’d (sort of) welcome more in-person social “disruptions.” Read more of my thoughts about writing at REFLECTIONS.
After a long lockdown in solitude, a few social interruptions may be welcomeWhy writers write: “Because somewhere out there is someone who needs that story.” – Neil Gaiman
